Penance
by 4reignaffairs
Summary: Bash could pretend this was for his brother, but it was for Mary, only Mary, always Mary. Canon divergent. Takes off from when Mary left Bash's room in 1x13.
1. Chapter 1

_First, thank you so much for all of the lovely reviews, favorites, follows and simply reading my first story. I am so grateful._

_I will warn you that I don't know where, if anywhere, I'm going with this story. I started writing it back in February/March and forgot about it. I have five chapters almost finished, but, like this one, they are not terribly long. I probably would not be sharing this at all if there wasn't such a dearth of Mash stories. I had hoped the deleted scene might energize the fanbase a bit. :/ Anyway, thank you for reading and I hope you like it! I will probably post chapter 2 later this week. Reviews are welcomed and appreciated._

**Chapter 1**  
Mary heard the retching before she turned the corner. Bash was hunched over, pressed against the door to the stables as he puked into the bushes. Slowly, as he had finally rid himself of the toxins, he stood up and turned to enter the stables, but her silhouette stopped him.

"Your Grace," he nodded stiffly.

"Bash ..." Mary said softly, unable to keep the sadness out of her voice.

"I should offer my congratulations," he said.

She noticed that he didn't actually congratulate her and her lips tightened. Why she had come looking for him, she didn't know. She had no words that were suitable, yet she needed to see him. "I'm sorry, Bash," was all she could offer.

He looked at fully for the first time. She was still in her wedding gown, minus the train. "Be careful, Your Grace. Royals don't apologize."

She wasn't ready for this shift in their relationship and her eyes started to water. "Please don't," Mary whispered.

"Don't what?" he challenged, standing as tall as his body would allow.

"I don't want to lose you," she confessed. "I know it's not fair-"

"Fair!?" Bash exclaimed, letting a callous laugh out before he turned and entered the stables, his balance uneven. He dropped into a stall filled with hay and let out an exhausted sigh.

Mary followed him cautiously, still unsure of her intentions or the soundness of her actions and disregarding the dirt and hay looking to mar her dress. She'd have to come up with an excuse as to why her gown was less than pristine later.

"I told you I'd get sauced at your wedding."

She winced at his sardonic tone. "Yes," she said quietly. That was the day they'd first kissed. It felt so long ago.

Bash shook his head, then winced. "Why are you here, Mary?"

"I was worried about you," she confessed, fighting the urge to move closer and brush the hair from his face. She wanted to see his eyes clearly, but feared the emotion she'd find behind them.

"How nice," he sighed. "Well, as you can see, I'm quite alright. If you'll forgive me, I'd like to get some sleep. I've a long ride ahead."

"A ride? Where are you going?"

"Paris was the plan - my mother's chateau - but we'll see." He squinted at her. "Surely you didn't think I'd stay here."

She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. Everything had happened so quickly that the thought hadn't occurred to her. Slowly, the reality of the situation started to sink in. No, she couldn't expect him to stay; she probably didn't want him to stay. It'd be too painful. For both of them.

"Don't look so sad, Mary. You're getting everything you want," he said with faux cheer.

"No, I'm not." She could feel the anger starting to seep into her.

Bash looked at her thoughtfully. "Perhaps because your wants are not constant."

She bit the inside of her lip. "If you want to be angry with me, fine. I deserve it. But don't pretend-"

"Pretend!?" he pounced, his eyes suddenly wide and fiery. "No, I never pretended. Not once, not with you."

"And you think I did? You think I wanted this to happen?"

"What I think doesn't matter," he dismissed before closing his eyes and letting his head fall back against the hay. "Please go, Mary," he pleaded. "Be with your husband. Be with Francis."

Mary looked around helplessly. This was it. This was their goodbye and there was no changing it. He was leaving her world as suddenly as he'd entered. Silently, she turned and left. 


	2. Chapter 2

_Apologizes for taking so long. I had an idea that led to a whole bunch of rewrites, so I hope this isn't as choppy as I fear. I made a few minor changes to Chapter 1, but a reread is not necessary (I hope the edit saved. I was having a few issues with FF.)_

_In case anyone is interested, Mash fans will be attempting to trend #BringMashBackOnReign tomorrow, Oct. 23, at 6pm EST/3pm PST on twitter. You can find info on tumblr if you need to._

_Torrance Coombs, Adelaide Kane and Reign are amongst the pre-noms for People's Choice Awards if you're interested in voting. You can also write in Toby Regbo, Megan Follows or anyone else that strikes your fancy if you wish._

_Sorry for the news and notes, but I know a lot of fans left Reign and probably don't keep current anymore, but maybe would still be interested in trending or voting to show support._

_Thank you so much for your feedback! I greatly appreciate it. Ranting about Reign in the comment section is totally fine. I not only miss Mary and Bash together, I miss talking about them, so I completely understand! Rant away!_

**Chapter 2**

It seemed to fall apart as quickly as it had come together. The month long wedding tour had been blissful. Seeing the lands and meeting various rulers and noblemen along the way, enjoying decadent feasts and lavish parties during the day and making love at night. Mary felt invincible with her new husband by her side. This was the life she was always meant to have, that she dreamed of having. But a dream was all it was. Once Mary and Francis returned to court, reality set in.

Mary and Francis were thrown into the world of French politics and just as quickly they were at odds. Mary had expected disagreements, but she thought they could work through them, compromise. Instead, it was a battle of wills and she always seemed to be the one to lose.

They tried to leave the politics outside their chambers but, while they could keep the arguments at bay, resentments and hurt feelings lingered. Francis began sleeping in another room after three weeks time.

On occasion, one of them would attempt to reconcile, and sometimes it even seemed to work. But it was always temporary. Even at parties they tended to drift from each others' side rather than joining to dance as they once did. Francis' path always seemed to head towards pretty young courtisanes. It took a while for Mary to realize - or perhaps simply admit - that her strained marriage with Francis was due to more than politics.

Bash's absence was noticeable throughout the castle. Young Henry and Charles missed their brother and wanted to know why and where he'd gone. Francis was without his friend and guide, at times looking lost. Henry was without his cohort and noticeably more irritable. Everyone seemed determined not to mention or even allude to Bash, including Mary's friends. There was constant tension in the air and it all stemmed from Mary.

She missed his presence more than anything, just the comfort of knowing Bash was within reach. She kept expecting to see him at certain times in certain places. Bash was always waiting for her in the stables early in the morning for their ride, having already prepared her horse for her. At night, as the sun was setting, Mary could count on finding Bash on the east balcony that overlooked the front lawn, just as she did the day she'd proposed his legitimization. She missed seeing his face, his smile, his reassurance. She missed him.

Mary loved Francis still and she hoped a part of him loved her too, but she had destroyed the connection they once had. One day he might forgive her, but she couldn't make him. All she could do was wait. It wasn't that Francis was mean or cruel, just withdrawn. Sometimes she'd catch him studying her, looking for answers. She didn't have them.

Mary prayed for a child. She needed the happiness desperately and it would provide at least a temporary reprieve from Francis' weekly visits to her chambers. Sex was awkward and cold and over with quickly. Neither of them felt much satisfaction from the encounters. At least Francis had another warm body to run to afterwards; she had no one.

Life became increasingly draining and what little strength remained within Mary was held in reserve for meetings with the king and his advisors and afterwards she was exhausted, retiring to her chambers until the next sunrise. She couldn't afford for anyone in court see how weak she had become.

It was difficult to find enjoyment in anything. Her morning rides were lonely and filled with sadness. She'd stare at the pages of books, unable to concentrate enough to read the words. Greer, Kenna and Lola tried to engage her in scandalous, mindless gossip, but it was too much effort to even try and feign interest. Mary went of long walks alone looking for something, anything that made sense to her. Finally, she gave up. She remained within the castle walls, the cold, hard surfaces mirroring the loneliness she felt. Such an immaculate, at times intimidating place, serving as a glorified prison.

Her solitude was ill-fitting, but not something she wished to change. It was what she deserved. Her only solace came from spending time with Charles and Henry. Mary adored Francis' brothers and took them on outings as much as she could. But it was not without its awkward moments, as they would ask about Bash's whereabouts and she had no answers. They missed their eldest brother and it was her doing that they were without him.

Mary smiled as she remembered it was Little Henry's birthday today and there would be a party. Finally, a distraction she could look forward to.

"Have you seen Lola?" Mary asked as Kenna and Greer flitted about, fixing her hair and dressing her in a bright purple gown.

"I don't believe she's arrived yet," Greer replied, as she reached for various jewels, attempting to find the appropriate match for Mary's attire.

"The servants will alert us once she's here," Kenna assured, taking one necklace from Greer and holding it up to the dress.

Mary sighed. Storms had delayed shipments and she feared her birthday present for Little Henry would not arrive in time. "Perhaps I should have picked someone else to retrieve Henry's gift."

"Lola volunteered," Greer reminded her.

Kenna grinned. "She has been visiting Paris quite a it lately."

"Why do you make that sound so scandalous?" Greer chided. "Her aunt is ill and she's been going to help out her uncle and her cousins."

"They aren't the only people in Paris. She could have met someone else while she was there."

"Well, I certainly don't think that would be a bad thing. Colin's death was so hard on her. She needs to find some happiness again." Greer looked to Mary for approval on the necklace she'd selected and Mary nodded. "She has seemed especially dour of late."

"Maybe because she's met a man and she's missing him."

Greer rolled her eyes. Kenna was just trying to annoy her now.

Mary looked in the mirror and shook her head. "Let's skip the necklace. Are there any long earrings that would work?"

Her two ladies retreated back to the jewelry armoire to look and Mary studied her hair. Thick, dark curls piled up high with a gold crown encasing them. She would be nursing a headache tonight to be sure. She smoothed her silk embroidered gown, studying all of the intricate details. Ornate even by royal standards. "This is still a party for a child, isn't it? Why must every party thrown be a spectacle?"

Greer laughed. "Do you expect Catherine to tone it down for one of her little princes?"

She sighed. "I just want Henry to have fun."

An abrupt knock sent Kenna scurrying to the door where a servant was waiting. "Lady Lola has arrived, Your Grace."

"Thank goodness!" Mary exclaimed. "Where is she now?"

"The stables, Your Grace."

Mary nodded and dismissed the servant. "I'll be going to the stables, then," she announced.

"Don't be silly! You'll get dust on your skirt!"

Mary shook her head. "I must check him out for myself."

"I can't believe you got him a pony," Kenna sighed.

"A _Shetland_ pony," Mary corrected. "Henry will love him."

"And the stablehands will hate you."

"Nonsense! They are wonderful creatures."

Kenna released an unladylike snort. "I've never met one that wasn't completely unruly."

"Yes, you're much better at taming men," Greer chimed in.

Mary paid no mind as Kenna glared at their friend. "I won't be long," she called, hurrying out the door and making her way down to the stables.

Mary made her way through the stables, quickly searching the stalls for the new arrival. Finally she found him, the small, stocky, golden pony. "Well aren't you a beauty?" she cooed. The pony nodded as if it understood her and Mary gently stroked his nose. Drawing closer, she ran her hand along his neck and body, happy with the condition of his coat and solid physique. She checked his teeth and inspected his feet and looked for any signs of illness until she felt satisfied she had a healthy, sturdy animal. "You'll do quite nicely," Mary said confidently.

Happily, she made her way back through the stables, pleased that she had slipped on gloves because her hands would be filthy otherwise. She'd been careful to avoid letting her skirt touch anything undesirable and Mary felt confident no one would know the Scottish queen spent her time in the stables before parties.

Mary was just about to exit when she spotted the white mare with a grey mane. It was a beautiful horse. Bash's horse. Mary spun around quickly but saw no signs of her former fiance. But he was here. Somewhere on the grounds he was here.

Mary took a deep breath. Bash was back.


	3. Chapter 3

_Wow, this took forever. I'm so sorry I kept you hanging. I hope this isn't too bad. Author's note at the bottom._

* * *

Mary's heart was pounding. She had to find him. She picked up her heavy skirts and raced back to the castle, raising the brows of everyone she passed. Her carefully fixed hair now a messy dark blur trailing behind her. _He couldn't be here. If the king found out ..._

"Greer!"

Her friend spun around with alarm. "Mary! What on earth happened?"

Mary tried to gather herself quickly, but too many emotions were whirling through her. Where to start?

"Are you alright?"

She felt the eyes of the kitchen staff on her and realized she must be a sight. It was rare for a royal to step foot in the kitchen and here she was with dirt and grass on her gown and mud and hay stuck to her shoes. Greer glanced at their audience and wrapped her arm around Mary as she guided her out and down the hallway where no ears would hear them. "Mary?"

As hard as her heart was beating, her mind was racing. "Lola. Where's Lola?"

Greer furrowed her brow. "I haven't seen her. I imagine she's washing up for the party which you are already late for," she said as gently as possible. "Mary, what's wrong?"

Mary hesitated. The less people that knew, the better. "You said the party has started?"

"Yes! You're terribly late and you're going to be even later because you certainly can't go in this state."

Normally, Mary would be grateful for Greer's mothering, but at the moment her appearance was the last thing on her mind. But she was right. Mary could not draw unwanted attention. She let Greer lead her back to her chambers.

* * *

Mary barely noticed Greer's efforts as she fussed about, quickly re-dressing her queen and doing her best to tame her mane. Mary's mind was in a fog. She knew Bash shouldn't be there, but her heart wouldn't stop leaping at the thought of seeing him again. It had been close to four months since they last spoke and Mary feared he'd moved on. She knew how selfish that was. She should want him to find happiness elsewhere, and she did, but the thought of being replaced in his heart terrified her.

Mary tried to convince herself that it had all been an illusion. They were trying to make a bad situation bearable. They fooled themselves into thinking there was more than a friendship between them.

She stared back at herself in the mirror. She felt as though she were going mad. Nothing was right. The whole world felt disjointed and precarious.

"Mary?"

She finally noticed that Greer was watching her in the mirror as well, her task now complete. Mary cleared her throat in discomfort. "Yes," she said with as much authority as she could muster, "this will do."

Greer's mouth twitched as she seemed undecided on whether to speak.

"I'll be down shortly. You may go ahead."

Reluctantly, her lady curtsied and made her way out.

"Oh! Lola!"

Mary spun around on her bench as the two women greeted each other. Lola looked weary, but somehow more relaxed than she had been of late. How should she approach this? Mary wondered. She trusted Lola, but she would take no chances with Bash's life by telling anyone of his presence needlessly.

"I was told you wished to see me," Lola said with a smile. "I think you'll be quite happy with the pony."

Mary nodded at Greer to leave and waited for her to close the door. "Yes, I saw him. Thank you. How was your travel?"

"Tiring," Lola sighed. "I hope I can make it through the evening. I may need to retire early."

"It was nice of you to go. Did you get to see your family?" Her stomach was tensing as she fought her desire to be direct and forceful. Every moment Bash was on the grounds, the chances of him being caught grew. And if that were to happen, Mary feared she'd be unable to save him.

"Yes. I'm afraid there's been no improvement. My aunt will be lucky to live past spring."

"Is there anything I can do to help? Perhaps send Nostradamus?"

Lola shook her head. "It's up to God now."

"I'm sorry."

She smiled weakly in thanks. "Is there anything else?"

"Yes, actually." Mary rose from her bench to stand before Lola eye-to-eye. "When I visited the pony, I noticed a new mare in the stalls. Do you know whose she is?"

She furrowed her brow. "No. Perhaps there is overflow from the guest stable?"

"But you know the horse I'm speaking of?"

Lola crossed her arms. "I'm not sure."

"You visit the stables enough to know which horses should be there," she pressed.

"Forgive me, Mary," her friend answered with a sigh. "I'm quite tired. I'm not sure what I saw, but nothing struck me as suspicious."

The young queen studied her for a moment, considering her options. "Of course. Thank you again for escorting my gift. I'll see you at the party shortly."

Lola nodded and made her way out leaving Mary feeling uneven. She couldn't tell if Lola was covering for Bash or not. She hadn't asked what the horse looked like or why Mary was concerned, but perhaps she was too fatigued to inquire. But even if Lola was covering, what business was it of hers? Bash was essentially in exile and shouldn't be thought in her mind.

Mary opened the bottom drawer of her vanity and reached for a small book of poetry, letting it fall open. A dried piece of lavender from the bouquet she had brought to Isobel's grave appeared before her and Mary drew it to her nose. The scent was faint, but distinct. She closed her eyes and remembered the crisp winter air as she and Bash stood by the burial mound. The heat from Bash's breath clouded the air as he promised his loyalty to her. The tenderness of his lips against hers, the strength of his arms wrapped around her and his earthy scent that was so calming all came rushing back to Mary. The sting of the cut on her palm and the bite of the cold air melted in his embrace. That day she had begun to see Bash as her husband, envisioning a future together as both rulers and marrieds. Mary had spent nearly her whole life expecting no one but Francis at her side, yet that picture was fading more and more with surprising ease.

Gingerly, Mary returned the lavender to its safe place amongst words of love and longing. She wished she had the resolve to get rid of it. It did her no good to hang on to such things, but mixed in with the melancholy was a bit of comfort. She could still feel his love, the kind of love that never wavered. She hadn't realized how precious that was before.

She studied herself in a mirror. The past four months had taken a toll on her appearance. Her hair had lost it's shine, her skin paler than ever and her figure withering. Replacing the happy anticipation she had felt for the party was a knot of anxiety. Mary would not be able to relax until she knew Bash had departed safely. She slammed the drawer shut in frustration. Why was he being so reckless? Why risk his life? For a child's birthday? How she wanted to yell at him for making her such a worried mess. But whatever the reason, there was nothing Mary could do but keep quiet and try to get through the night without event and hope Bash was gone by morning.

* * *

The children ran about wildly, clearly enjoying themselves. Young Henry had loved the pony and ridden it throughout the castle to much fanfare. It was a fittingly festive atmosphere and, under normal circumstances, Mary would have been having fun. Instead, she was detached, more focused on anyone or anything out of place, any sign that something was amiss.

"Mary, the food is divine! You must try something!" Kenna exclaimed as she bounded over.

"In a while," she answered, the grip on her empty chalice tightening.

Her lady moved in front of her, obstructing her view of the ballroom. "Mary," she cautioned, "You need to eat."

"I'm afraid my stomach will not allow it."

Kenna's eyes widened. "Are you ...?"

"No, no. Of course not," Mary said hurriedly.

"'Of course not?' I know you and Francis have not been getting along of late, but you are still trying to conceive, aren't you? You must."

Mary was in no mood for this conversation and she took a deep breath. "What I meant was, I wouldn't keep something like that from you."

This seemed to satisfy Kenna suitably. "Oh. Well, perhaps just some bread?"

"No, I think I'll just retire for the evening." All she was doing was stressing over a situation she couldn't control, nor did she know the scope of, and could take it no longer. Before Kenna could argue, Mary absconded down the hall.

* * *

She was halfway to her rooms when she saw him off in the distance. It was so odd, him standing there in a hallway like no time had passed. Relief washed over Mary. He was safe and in one piece. She was so focused on this fact that, at first, she didn't even notice Bash was not alone. But then he reached out and she saw: his hand grasping Lola's forearm, pulling her closer as they spoke in hushed voices. She watched as Bash followed Lola into her chambers and closed the door behind them.

Mary was too stunned to move, her body too heavy and drained of life. Maybe it was best, she tried to convince herself as her heart ached. She knew now that any notion she might have of some type of connection between them was over. Bash had moved on. And if he was happy, she would be happy for him, she told herself.

With a deep breath, Mary tried to regain her poise and walk back to her chambers strong and emotionless. Defiant, even. In the morning, Bash would be gone again and she would pretend she had never seen him, never thought of him.

That was the plan.

* * *

_**A/N:** My apologies again for taking so long on this. I'm already working on the next chapter and I hope to have it up before Reign returns. Being excited about the show again really helps with writing. Comments are greatly appreciated!_


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